Lose Yourself
by ALittleBitOfThat
Summary: Ever since one fateful night, Bella's life is turned upside down and if she thinks her life is bad now, she's got another thing coming. Everything that happened two years ago is coming back to haunt her and nothing will be the same until they're handed their punishment! Rated M. Give it a go - I'm rubbish with summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**Lose Yourself**

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Everything happened so fast.

One minute we were singing along to _Eminem_, laughing at our ridiculous impressions of him and the next, we hit something...or someone.

In that single moment of impact, the world stood still.

Jess hit the brakes quickly and the car jerked to a stop.

All that could be heard was the lyrics blaring through the car, 'You better lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it, you better never let it go'

It was ironic really.

Tanya slammed the stereo, ejecting the CD. It was deathly silent as we all sat still. Neither of us daring to look out at what we hit.

Angela started weeping next to me; Jess turned back and shot her a glare. She turned back and started the engine.

"What are you doing?" My voice came out in a whisper.

She chose not to listen to me, panic rose in the car.

"Jess stop!" Leah shouted.

"Shut up! We need to get out of here!" Jess yelled back and started driving away.

"Jess we hit...something, we should stop and check" When she didn't listen, I continued "Jess, please just st-"

My words were cut off by the sound of nails scratching the back bumper, screeching loudly.

Tanya turned back, her eyes wide in fear. I felt the sound move through my body, sending an icy chill down my spine.

This didn't deter Jess, if anything it only gave her ammunition to drive faster. Tanya slapped her arm, "Jess, stop!"

Angela's cries grew louder, Leah began pounding the back of Jess's seat and I just sat there, watching all the chaos.

Suddenly, the screeching stopped and so did the car.

I shot up in gear and moved towards the car door. "Bella, what are you doing?"

I felt four pairs of eyes on my back, the cold air smacked my face as I opened the door. I climbed over Leah and got out, she said nothing more. I turned my head towards her, "I need to see if...if they're okay" I whispered.

And it was then, that we all acknowledged it was more than possible we had hit a someone and not an animal like we had maybe hoped. Leah nodded numbly. No one stopped me and no one followed me.

I walked towards the back end of the car; my eyes caught sight of a body lying in a pool of blood a few feet away. I held on to the car and bent over, emptying the contents of my stomach. It's there I saw the lines of scratches, whoever it was had struggled to get free.

_Oh God, what had we done? _

The cop's daughter in me sprung back to life. I wiped my face on my sleeve and took a deep breath, keeping my head down and I followed the trail of blood.

My hands were shaking at my sides as I stood a step away. I fell to my knees and began sobbing. "Oh God, please be okay," I begged silently.

The man's eyes were wide, but there was no movement in his green eyes and there was no rise and fall of his chest. There were cuts all over the man's face and all over his hands. I saw something hanging out of his jeans - a wallet.

I gingerly grabbed it and scurried back. I tentatively opened the wallet; there were credit cards, receipts and I found what I was looking for, a driver's license.

His name was clearly addressed as Emmett McCarty Cullen. He was handsome, the best looking guy I'd seen and his blood was on our hands. We _killed_ someone.

I screamed for the man that lost his life.

I screamed for the family he left behind and most of all, I screamed because we had done something horrible that could not be undone.

We killed a man.

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**_Who suspected it was Edward at first? Be honest and please review if you wish for me to continue!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lose Yourself**

**Well aren't you lucky getting another update :) Thank you to everyone who reviewed and listed this story x**

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**Two Years Later**

I woke up sweating bullets, tears streaming down my face. Every morning followed with the same routine of sweat, tears and a sense of dread looming over my shoulders. It never got easy, if anything it only got harder.

I can't remember catching a proper night's sleep in the past two years. Whoever said time heals all wounds was wrong, _so very wrong_.

Every night my nightmares come back to haunt me and there's nothing I can do about it and no one to talk about it with. Sometimes I see it all flashing in front of me when I'm awake, it eats me up - the guilt, the dread. It's _always_ there.

***Flashback***

I grabbed his wallet and pocketed it, I don't know why I did it, but I just did. I stood up and with one last look towards the lifeless body; I turned away and dragged my feet towards the car. The cold night air was biting at my skin, but all I felt inside was numb.

The door to the car was still open, Leah slid down and I took her earlier seat and sat down staring at Tanya's headrest.

The sound of my heart beating was the only thing I heard, other than that, it was piercingly silent.

"He's dead" I whispered, answering the question they were scared to ask.

The pin dropped and with it the screams and cries followed, but Jess stayed still, not a tear or word from her.

_Nothing_.

It scared me.

"We need t...to ca...Call an ambulance," Angela stuttered eyes wide.

Leah sagged back in her seat and stared out in to the night sky. "Why? They can't do anything, he's dead. We killed him!" Her words came out harshly, causing Tanya to snap back.

"We? No, no, no! I am not taking the fall for this. Jess was the one driving!" She cried desperately.

All of a sudden, Jessica's hand shot out, grabbing Tanya neck. "You listen to me, all of you!" She hissed, pointing at us. "You are just as much to blame as me. If you dare say anything I'll play dumb and make sure you go down for it!" With that she let go of Tanya, she grasped for air and scurried as far away from Jess as she could.

"Y...you can't d...do that" Angela said through her cries.

Jess punched the wheel, "Oh you want to test that do you? And anyway, hear no evil, see no evil!"

The warning bells in my head were ringing. _This is wrong!_

Leah bent forward and nodded to herself, "I think she's right. We saw _nothing_," She shoots a glare in my direction; "We heard _nothing_ and we sure as hell _didn't_ pass in this direction. That's the story!"

And that was that, neither of us said any more and we were on our way back to Forks. It was like nothing happened for Jess. She was twisted, constantly trying to make conversation while the rest of us sat replaying the night's events in our heads.

We arrived back in Forks and my house was the first stop. The porch light was still on, meaning Charlie was awake. Jess stared at me through the mirror. "I meant what I said Bella. Not. A. Word!"

Me being the coward I am, I nodded and got out without a word. My eyes trailed over the car; there was no evidence of what happened besides the scratches on the back. Even they could be easily mistaken for something else. I took my bag out the boot of the trunk and slammed it shut and walked towards my house.

Charlie's a cop, he should have known something was up, but he didn't. Charlie's never been affectionate so when I walked through the door, on the brink of breaking down, he greeted me and went back to his game and that's how it all began.

Over the next few months I found myself withdrawing from everything. I stopped talking to the girls and it was better, this way we didn't have to play the blame game.

Every day I asked myself if it was my fault and every day I felt more and more responsible. What if we had called 911, what if by some miracle he had a second chance?

_Stop_ _being_ _ridiculous_, my inner self screamed.

I kept the wallet hidden under the floor boards in my room. Taking the wallet had been a stupid decision.

_What if his family weren't notified because he had no ID?_

_What if he had a wife and children who were waiting for his return? I fell in to a deeper state of depression._

I dropped out of college months in to it, my head wasn't in a good place and it probably never would be.

Charlie watched my downward spiral and thought the cause of it was my mother's death. Renee Marie Swan died a year ago of lung cancer _- too many cigarettes_, dad would say. Mums death hit me hard, but it was nothing compared to the realisation that I was to blame for a death.

I let Charlie think it had something to do with my mother's death. He tried sorting out counselling sessions until he saw how expensive they were.

Charlie buried himself in his work and pretty much forgot he had a daughter at home.

_Would it ever get easier? I don't think so..._

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**Did Bella do the right thing by taking the wallet? Review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Lose Yourself**

**Reviews motivate me to carry on; I've got the next chapters ready. They're yours if you review xx**

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I trudged down the stairs, stopping on the last step. I smelt bacon, egg and waffles and my ol' time favourite drink - coffee.

Stepping down, I peaked in to the kitchen and sure enough two plates sat at the table next to a steaming pot of coffee. I was surprised to find dad occupying one of the plates. He's never had breakfast with me, something was up and suddenly the appetite I had built up was now gone, replaced with a sense of foreboding.

As if sensing my appearance, Dads head shot up in mid bite. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Everything about him was off. "Come, eat. I slaved all morning using your mum's recipe" He said, placing a piece of bacon in his mouth.

I moved towards the stool and sat down, wrapping my robe tighter around me and stared at dad blankly.

"Eat up before it turns cold," Dad pointed with his fork, his eyes not meeting mine.

_Yeah, something was most definitely up._

"What's wrong?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

He looked up and I could almost swear his lip twitched. He shook his head, "Nothing. Why would you think-?"

I cut him off, after the night I've had the last thing I'm in the mood for is games. "What is this all? You cooked breakfast, you never do, and you're much less even here for breakfast so excuse me if I want to know what you're up to!" I muttered.

"Lose the attitude, Isabella," He mumbled dryly and wiped his face with a tissue. He placed his arms on either side of his plate but not before he took a file out from under the table.

_Was that on his lap the whole time?_

Did I forget to mention how my dad has taken to calling me Isabella now. It lacks any feeling or emotion and just feels cold but its spot on, because that's exactly what I am.

"Look, I know things haven't been easy around here since your mum passed away and I'm trying, but I can't seem to get through to you,"

He sighed, "You lost your mum and I lost my wife. I know how it feels, it's taken some time but I'm getting back on track but you...you're not living, this isn't healthy Bells,"

My eyes clenched shut at my childhood nickname and I turned my head away. If only he knew.

"I know this is hard on you and I can see for myself how much this is affecting you, but you leave me no other option,"

My eyes snap open and my head tilts back to dad.

"Your uncle Marcus has opened up a bar in Chicago, he's had trouble finding someone to sort out the accounts and money side of it all -" He trails on and I fail to see why he's telling me all of this.

"- He's looking for a book keeper and I know you're good with numbers so I told him you're the girl for the job," He finishes and looks at me expectantly.

I raise my eyebrows and snort, "Why are you telling me all of this, Chicago is on the other-" The realisation hits me like a ton of bricks. "NO! This is my home, I'm _staying_ here!" I shout adamantly.

Dad sighs and shakes his head, "It's only for a couple of months, the fresh air will do you good and -"

I stand up and push away from the table. "If you want me to get some fresh air, send me to the park or the back yard but _not_ Chicago!"

"I hate seeing you like this!" He shouts back, "I don't know how to help you or what I'm doing wrong. You need this Bells, you need change!"

Dad slides the file over, "Inside is your ticket, your passport and some cell phone numbers," He says without looking at me.

_Is this what I've done to him? _

I shook my head, "Dad, I swear I'll change, I'll get better! We can spend more time together, but please don't send me away. I've already lost too much," I plead desperately, my eyes burn and my vision starts to grow blurry.

"You leave first thing tomorrow, pack what you need. I'll be out back," He gets up and leaves for the door, his footsteps stop. "I'm sorry, but one day I hope you'll see why I had to do this and you'll thank me,"

The last thing I hear is the door close behind him and I fall to my knees. My body hunches over, sobs taking my body.

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**What do you think of Charlie? Was that a douche move or a father concerned for his daughter? Thoughts?!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Lose Yourself**

**It's demotivating when I don't get reviews, I think 'Do people actually want to read this?' I have many chapters already written, I'm more than happy to post it if you show me it's what you want...xx**

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The ride to the airport was quiet, dad didn't try and make small talk and neither did I. I had nothing to say and even if I did, no one would hear me anyway.

At the airport I grabbed my carry on, filled with a few pair of clothes, underwear and a few possessions. I didn't need anything else, I wasn't planning on staying long. I've got it all figured out, I'll put on a charade, act as if I'm getting better and before I know it I'll be back in the confines of my room.

Dad stood to my side awkwardly and handed me a manila envelope. I took it slowly and peaked inside to find a wad of cash. My head shot up, I looked at him in question.

"It's a little something I put together for you, enjoy it!"

I shook my head silently, there was well over $900 in here. I couldn't take this.

"No, its yours. Take it," He pushed the envelope back in my hands, "I saved it up for you, all the over time at work, I did it for you,"

_Don't do this dad, please. I don't deserve this, I wanted to cry out. _

_I've killed someone, I should be rotting away in a cell not accepting hard earned money I don't deserve!_

Dad grabbed me in his arms for the first time in a long time, but something about the contact felt final. I wrapped my arms around dads waist and let the tears fall. _I'll make this right, however I can._

***Lose Yourself***

On the flight to Chicago I lost myself in my music, my only save haven these days. After grabbing my bag and going through security, I walked out searching for uncle Marcus. It didn't take long, uncle Marcus came jogging up to me and grinned. "Baby gal, look at you!"

I smiled slightly, uncle Marcus was mums brother, they both shared the same eratic personality. It was hard not to love him.

"Hi Unc-"

He placed a finger over my lips and pouted his lips. "There will be no use of that word," He shuddered, "I'm old enough to be your brother, you know by now to call me Marcus," He winked and grabbed me in a hug.

I rolled my eyes and I hugged him back, patted his back would be a better description.

He stepped back and spread out his arms, "Welcome to Chicago, Bellsy!" He grinned and threw his arm over my shoulder and walked us in the direction of a Volvo.

Placing my bag in the trunk, I noticed Marcus frown slightly. "Traveling light?"

"Something like that," I muttered and got in to the car.

The weather here was warm, a stark comparison to the cold, hostile weather of Forks. I removed my cardigan and placed it in my lap, and listened to the weather forecast on the radio channel.

"I hope you like the sun, looks like we'll be getting a lot more in the upcoming week," Marcus said.

Just as I was about to answer, Marcus perked up. "Fuck! I love this song," He turned the volume up as the intro blared through the speakers.

The strumming of a guitar sent a cold chill down my spine and I grew still.

Next to me, Marcus began following the lyrics of the song. I couldn't take it no more and slammed _'mute'_.

Marcus stopped his singing and I felt his eyes on my face, "Not a fan of Eminem?" He asked, his voice soft.

"Well...never mind," he said realizing I wasn't going to answer. "The White Sox are playing right now and I've placed big money on them, I cant lose and give Edward the satisfaction!" He said, turning the radio to the sports channel.

"Who's Edward?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

Marcus glanced at me before focusing his eyes on the road, "_Edward_, my main barman down at the club and the owner of this fine car. Don't tell him I said that, though," Marcus added with a wink.

I smiled, "Your secrets safe with me,"

Maybe this wasn't so bad after all_. Maybe this would be a good thing..._

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**If you want to meet Edward, you know what to do...review my darlings x**


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